Non-binary love

agender, dehumanization, gender fluid, genderqueer, misgendering, non-binary, transgender

TRIGGER WARNING: Invalidation of non-binary genders


So I was just reading a post in which a binary trans man was trashing non-binary people. And I responded to what I could even process, because a lot of what he was saying hurt a lot. I’m planning on discussing the content of the entire post and comments, or at least talking about the odds the non-binary community faces. But before I even go there, I want to send out some love and pride to all of us who fall under the non-binary umbrella, and others who may not identify as non-binary, too, who may not have a gender or who fit into this world in so many myriad ways.

When I type in “genderqueer is” into Google, the first five out of seven potential fill-ins I get are: “bullshit, not real, ridiculous, a fad, isn’t real.” The other two are a blank after “is,” and the other is “issues.” In a world where we are regularly ignored, and where our genders (or lack thereof) are seen as unreal, I am here to say the following.

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE for being myself.

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE for my community.

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE for all the beautiful variety we encompass.

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE for the way we hold each other. It is sometimes imperfect, that holding, but it is what makes us who we are.


9 thoughts on “Non-binary love

  1. Wow that’s alarming – when you type “genderqueer is” and see what gets filled in. Never would have thought…

    Really look forward to what you have to say regarding that original post and comments.


    1. Right? Pretty sketchy! I wasn’t sure I wanted to link to the OP because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was targeting them in particular. This is a problem that extends so far beyond just this person. But I might, for my first take on it. Instead of responding in a post to the OP, I may just respond to this kind of binarism in general. Becasue I want to address this larger BS we’re facing! Thanks for reading! 🙂


  2. It took me a long time to realize that people who are comfortable in themselves, and feel authentic, do not go around policing other peoples identities. When you are comfortable, no one else’s identity is a threat to yours. The people who claim that someone is “not trans enough”, “not really transgender”, or that someone’s identity is bogus, are full of doubt about themselves. They cover it up by picking on other people.


    1. Totally! And in the case of transness, when everyone’s “realness” of gender is called into question to varying degrees, it breaks my heart when people take out that trauma from outside society on people that they find even easier to question. The idea that non-binary people invalidate binary trans people’s identities just by existing is just so wrong. How would we even have the power to do that? I’m sure there are times that individual non-binary people do invalidate binary trans people. But we’re just chillin, tryin to exist, tryin to have our genders just like everyone else! It just takes even more effort for that to happen. It is so heartbreaking, though, that we keep reproducing oppression and hierarchies in our own communities.


  3. Your words are righteous and true.

    I am so disgusted by the hostility towards nobinary folks on the part of some trans men and women. And by people using google, apparently. :/


    1. Thanks!

      And right?! What is this hostility?

      I’m planning on writing more on this. As I sat down this morning to figure out what to say next, I wrote down 7 posts! There’s just too much to say about all this BS.

      And yeah, google users, tone down that hostility, right?! 🙂


      1. I think Jamie Ray is majorly onto something re: the source of the hostility. I gotta wonder whether internalized transphobia is playing a role? It reminds me of gender-conforming gay & lesbian people who look down on those who are “overly” flamboyant or butch.

        I look forward to your posts! 🙂


        1. Aw, thanks! 🙂

          I agree with Jamie Ray. I actually have a post brewing about this! It also reminds me of bi/panphobia in the queer community. People have dealt with so much crap that they take it out on people in their own community who are even more vulnerable, and then make up some rhetoric about why that’s OK. When our own identities have been challenged for so long, unfortunately some people take the route of attacking others.


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